Whoever Says Science is Boring Has Never Met a Field Ornithologist

People who think that the list of sports ends with golf, hockey, and football have never been mist-netting. Imagine a soccer goal net, only the mesh is at least ten-times finer, oh, and invisible once raised against a shrubby background. I wait hidden nearby, watching as a bird flies overhead. BAM! Sprinting, I get to the net before the bird can even figure out why it can’t move. Now, the puzzle. For the super-short period between capture and seizure, it manages to tangle itself in the netting it can’t even see. Head, feet, tail, all squirming, in and out, in and out, like mama’s sewing, a tangled mess like the endless mass of Christmas lights you first pull out of the dusty old box in the basement. When I get its head out its wing gets caught again, and the net is now catching the button on my shirt sleeve. I glare at the net, reminded that it’s still anyone’s game. TIME OUT! I roll up my sleeves and continue. After five minutes of nimble fingerings and acrobatic maneuvering of feathers comes FREEDOM. I hold the bird firmly in my hand. Celebration? Not quite yet, but victory is one step closer. The final half comes down to more precise maneuvers. I grab my pliers. I hold my squirming opponent immobilized, and the bird is down for the count. One, two, three, I grab a numbered metal ring and slip it around the bird’s leg, four, five, six, seven, the pliers glint in the sun as it bends the ring closed, eight, nine, TEN! Finally the round is over and I stand triumphant with my now-banded bird. I record the specifics of the victory (opponent name and description, location and number of win, etc) in the score sheet known to me as “data log” then release my opponent, wishing it nothing but good happenings. In return, the bird excretes on my shirt before taking off. Some may say it’s a sign of bad sportsmanship, but I wear it like a badge. Biologists: 1, Birds: 0. Let the games begin.

(One of my old short stories, slightly edited. I thought it would be a fun interlude to my more serious writings. Hope you enjoy!)